Thoughts from the treadmill...

CoachE had me rocking out a tricky workout last night. Keep the pace up, keep the HR and the time down, yadda yadda yadda. It didn't go as well as I wanted it to, but it went about as I expected it to. So I was ok with the end result. Seeing as lat night was my first time on a treadmill in eons, I came to realize a few things...

First and foremost, treadmill running is just no fun. Its really not. I get it though. Its a great effective controlled workout. But man alive, it is miserable! You're going nowhere, there's people all around you sweating and huffing and puffing (except for the girl next to me, but I'll get to THAT in a minute), the air is stale and damp, not to mention not blowy, and you've got the display just staring you in the face telling you just how far you have not gone, how slowly you've been going, and how much longer you have to stay on the god forsaken machine. All I could think about for 60mins was pitching myself through the window I was facing while running.

Then there was the girl next to me. Here she is, my height'ish, but easily 40-50lbs lighter than I am (and I am not a complete whale here people). She is skinny skinny!! And she is make up-ed out running along much faster than I am, and making it look good. And easy. She's not even breaking a sweat. No hairs out of place. Who is this bionic boetch next to me making this look so effortless and pretty?

Well folks, that's just not me. Nor will it ever be me. I am going to sweat and turn radioactive red, and then I am going to sweat some more (and wouldn't you know, they were out of towels last night, so there was nothing I could do about my drippy-ness). Oh, and I am always going to have some amount of stunk about me after exercising. Its all part of the sweaty package. There will always be a little extra here and there that will wiggle just a little bit more than it should. And my shorts are always going to creep up as my thighs are just a little too robust and wubbly. That's just me.

I'm never going to be that itty bitty skinny thing that makes everything look good. But I don't want to be seen as the "butch " girl (thanks Bryn for giving me a complete complex). I just want to be the best version of me.

And if that means occasionally giving in to coach and getting on the tready, then so be it. But I'm not going to like it.