Tuesday, January 24, 2012
The Way Girls Work
What is it about girls that always equals drama? Especially if you put group of independent, intelligent, fun ladies together. No matter how great they are it's like BAM! insta-drama.
It's not even to say that girls are mean. Well, duh, some are. Some are straight up bat-shit-crazy beotchs. But that's not the case at the moment. It's more that cliques form, a pecking order evolves, and not everyone can be at the top...or even on the guest list Not everyone makes the cut. Not everyone is in the know. It's just the way it is. But that doesn't make it suck any less to be left out of the inner circle.
I'd like to think that now that I am a mature 30-something (just barely 30-something, btw) it would be easier to navigate these friendships and groups of women. But it's not. It still sucks to not be part of the in-crowd, to not get the invite, to be the last one picked for dodgeball.
I've spent so much of my life being insecure. I'm not skinny enough, pretty enough, or funny enough. I'm not fast enough, trendy enough, or wealthy enough. Am I too loud? Too outgoing Too honest? Did I do something wrong? Did I say the wrong thing? As much as I try to maintain a don't-give-a-fuck demeanor, there's always something weighing on my mind. And it's exhausting!
Quite frankly, I'm ready to throw in the towel in on all of it. I don't want to end up in another not-on-the-list situation. Why bother being a friend and putting myself out there when it may not be reciprocated? I'd rather just stay home.