Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Roadblock aka My Bad Attitude
Yeah, that pretty much sums up how I feel.
If it was a flaming, shit-covered, profanity spewing roadblock it would be exactly how I feel. But those are hard to come by.
I feel like my life is stuck in a vicious cycle of two steps forward, one step. Wash, rinse, repeat. Every time something goes right BAM! six other things will go incredibly, frustratingly wrong. I can't name names or give details, though goodness knows I so desperately want to. I also one to punch enough people to probably get my ass thrown in jail, but I am an adult so instead I give scathingly dirty looks, delete emails and pretend to not hear them when they speak (very mature). But anyone who's come within a 5ft radius of me can feel the radiating hostility and frustration. And probably has seen me cry. Whatev.
What in the WORLD does this have to do with running? Or marathon training? Or, well, anything?
Wellllll, every well-meaning soul out there is advising me to get out and run. You'll feel better! Well I call bullshit. There I said it. BULLSHIT. Going for a little run never solved world peace, gave food to the starving children in Africa or anything else. Now granted, neither does wallowing in my self pity and anger, but let's not split hairs.
When life hands me a lemon I want to know where the vodka tonic is to put it in. And then I want some Gushers to put in this vodka tonic with the lemon (trust me, it's fabulous). Cocktail in hand I want to pour myself onto the couch and watch hours of mindless bad tv. Sometimes, like last night, the shitstorm and stress of life makes me want to clean. While drinking vodka, obviously.
Monday was a rest day, so drowning my sorrows in beer and bleu cheese was totally ok. Last night, however, was speedwork. I didn't even pretend I was going to go to the gym for a run. And AM Shreddin' hasn't happened yet this week. Nope, no way no day. The alarm may go off, which doesn't really matter because I'm not sleeping at night anyways, but my ever expanding ass doesn't budge from bed for at least another hour.
Tonight I may or may not make it to my 6m run. I'd like to say I will, but who the knows with the way today is going.
I'm watching my bad attitude and this current suckfest called life come between my goals like one giant never ending detour. I want to PR my upcoming half marathon. I want to finish my first marathon. I want to be tone and lean and lose those pesky lb's.
Just not more than I want a vodka tonic and bad reality tv.